free of you at last

I think I found my strength to finally get up and leave
No more broken heart for me
No more tellin' your lies to me
I'm lookin' like I got my head on right so now I see
No more givin' you everythin'
There's no more takin' my love from me

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurting while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more,
I can't keep running back to you

Glad to wake up every day without you on my brain
No more waiting late up at night
No more havin' to fuzz and fight
I'm proud to say that I will never make the same mistake
No more thinkin' about what you do
There's no more of me runnin' back to you

You must be used to me cryin'
While you're out bumpin' and grindin'
But I'm leaving you tonight

lyrics from "Unfoolish" by Ashanti (listen here)
top art by ~ahmedart
bottom art by ~DreeamyEyes

travel photos

so many travels, so little time to blog about them...

for now i'll just post the photo links.
(click the photo to view the album in my multiply site)

Zamboanga Peninsula
(March 1-6, 2010)

Sagada, Mt. Province
(March 28 - April 3, 2010)

Remembering Niño

February 19 is Niño Calinao's death anniversary. I'm reposting this private blog entry from my multiply site two years ago so that people will continue to remember...

********************
Most UP Volleyball Club (UPVC or VC) members would recognize the name, but not the man. Calinao Cup -- that's what we now call our yearly 3on3 Grass Volleyball Tournament. It was titled that way in order to draw attention not only to the event but also to Niño's haunting murder on February 19, 1999

Niño was my batchmate in UPVC. We were the first batch to apply then, since VC was founded just the previous year. Niño was one of my closest batchmates and we both stayed active in org activities til our senior year.

The night before that fateful day of his death, I dialed his number to encourage him to visit UPVC's 3on3 Grass Volleyball Tournament booth at the AS Walk. I knew his number by heart since I've called him several times before to update him on org activities. He's been quite busy with his studies (he was about to graduate that semester), and wanted to make up for his absence in VC so he promised to drop by our booth before his STS class.

Several people manned the booth that 19th day of February. Three other VC members squeezed with Niño in that small bench below the anthill, almost fronting a fraternity tambayan. I stood in front of them, leaning on our booth table.

I suddenly heard shots. Ignorant as i was, I thought it was pillbox firing near us. Everyone panicked and ran towards the green house. I stayed calm, trying to figure out what was going on. When my orgmates stood from the bench, Niño fell on the floor, blood escaping his mouth. I tried to catch him but he was too heavy. In my mind, I was so angry at these fraternity members for being so careless with their stupid wars (I didn't know then that Niño was hit with gunshots).

Therese, a female orgmate, stayed with me as we tried to drag Niño out to the street to get help. For a long time nobody seemed to care that we were carrying a bleeding victim. Suddenly a car with three guys stopped in front of us and offered to help us take Niño to the hospital. Therese couldn't fit in the car so she simply offered to take care of my stuff at the booth.

On the way to the hospital, I suddenly feared that I was riding with the idiotic fratmen who started this mess and they were trying to clean it up. Sensing my anxiety, they introduced themselves as members of another fraternity and explained that they simply wanted to help. (I was sorta calmed down by their presence because i knew that they weren't part of the ongoing fratwars at the time, and i believed that they really wanted to help.)

Niño seemed unconscious as I cradled him like a child in my arms. But I didn't think he was already dead. I even noticed some flicker in his closed eyes, and one of the guys in the car told me to try to talk to him.

When we arrived at the East Avenue Medical Center, I immediately got out of the car and asked for a stretcher. The girl at the desk wanted me to fill out some forms first but I screamed at her that I have a dying patient in the car.

While the doctors were trying to help Niño, i tried to look for a phone to call his parents. I can't remember what I told them but I remember his mother's gasp when i mentioned the blood coming out of his mouth.

After the call, a guy told me, "Miss, maghugas ka muna, andami mong dugo. Dun o, merong gripo." So i went and washed the blood out of my arms and face.

I went back to the emergency room and saw one guy in a scrub suit kneeling on top of the bed over Niño's body, resuscitating him arduously. Then they stopped. They looked at me and asked if I was the "misis." I said no, I was his friend. I'm not sure what happened afterwards, how it registered in my mind that my friend was dead, and what they did to his body. The guys who helped me stayed for a while, but they requested to leave because they couldn't bear to face Niño's parents.

As I waited for Niño's parents, several VC members arrived and waited with me at the hospital. I was in a daze, probably still in shock. Actually, I don't remember feeling anything at the time.

But I do remember one GMA reporter bugging me for an interview. He kept asking me to just tell him what happened, and that he also knew Niño from UP. I kept telling him I didn't wanna give an interview, so when he said, "Niño would want you to tell the truth," I snapped at him -- "Philo major ako, walang truth saken! Truth is relative!" He finally left me alone.

When niño's parents arrived I had very little time to talk to them in private because reporters were surrounding his crying mother like mad paparazzi. I was actually a bit mad that reporters were feasting on her sorrow.

Only when the police asked me a few questions was I able to figure out that Niño died of gun shot wounds, that he was proclaimed DOA, and that the gunman was probably a professional shooter (considering the number of shots that hit Niño without hitting the others who were squeezing with him in that small bench). Only after i've put two and two together did i realize that Niño was not accidentally hit by some pillbox but brutally killed, mistaken as the fratman who recently beat up *ass**, a member of a rival frat.

UP people speculated that *ass** hired his mighty dad's goons to kill a "big, tall, dark and curly guy prowling at the AS Walk", because his own brods wouldn't avenge him. I got goosebumps when i heard about this description -- Niño was a big, tall, dark and curly guy who went to AS walk that late afternoon because i asked him to show up at our booth.

As clumsy as you've been
There's no one laughing

These are words from Our Lady Peace's song Clumsy. Niño and I both loved this song... funny how the words could've been talking about his death... about hired goons doing a clumsy job.

There will be a Eucharistic celebration tonight, February 19, 6:00 PM at the UP Chapel, inside the UP Campus in Diliman, Quezon City in remembrance of Nino's death.

Rest in peace, my friend. If anyone deserves to go straight to heaven, you do. And if there is indeed a heaven, it deserves someone like you.

triplets!

(click image to enlarge)

these are the words

and they're MY words now...


you in the dark, you in the pain, you on the run
living a hell, living your ghost, living your end
whatever you say, it’s alright
whatever you do, it’s all good
whatever you say, it’s alright
but silence is not the way, we need to talk about it
if heaven is on the way, we’ll wrap the world around it

i don't want to be the one who has to fill the silence
the quiet scares me because it screams the truth
please don't tell me that we had that conversation
when i won't remember, save your breath, what's the use?

won’t you save me from this world of mine?
before i get myself arrested with this expectation
you are the one, look what you’ve done, what have you done?
this is not some kind of joke, you’re just a kid
you weren’t ready for what you did

i’ll have to try to find my way back to sanity again
though i don’t really know what i’m gonna do when i get there
take a breath and hold on tight, spin around one more time
and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

i was hanging on every word you say
if you don’t want to speak tonight, i can't just sit outside heaven’s door
cause i don’t want to keep waiting for the scraps to fall off your table

this is not the way i'll let my story end...


[listen here]

Balik U.P.

I’m almost 30 and I’m proud to say that I’m still a student. Perhaps I should’ve finished my master’s degree a long time ago, and I should be holding a supervisory position by now. Yet I have no shame with the work I have now, and I feel a tingle at the thought of being enrolled right in time for UP’s centennial year celebration.

A lot has changed in the UP Diliman campus since I graduated in my bachelor’s degree in 1999. But young or old, the heart of an authentic UP student doesn’t change. I immediately felt the familiarity when I enrolled last week. From the feel of pretending not to be a little lost while riding the TOKI jeep, to making sense of the unspoken rules in the confusing University of Pila at the new Registrar’s office, the feeling of being a UP student has not really changed.

Proud that I am not only for being a true iskolar ng bayan but also a SOLAIR student, I am hopeful that I could become a worthy labor rights advocate and a valuable contributor to this country’s development.

And so I share this remarkable and haunting text that I found in a comic strip at the back page of the Philippine Collegian (No. 29-30, 14 May 2008).

PA’NO

Pa’no kung biniyayaan ka ng magandang tahanan
Na hindi mo naman kayang alagaan.
At ang paborito mong pasyalan?
Kahit sa’n basta ’di dito sa ’Pinas.
Pa’no kung si John -- na dating si Juan,
Ang idolo’y si Lebron, Superman at si Jackie Chan
Na kundiman ang pinakamadunong na bata’y ang pinakamabait naman!
At may tunay na pangarap: “Ang maging samurai!”

Pa’no kung may dugo ang bawat pagkaing nakahain?
Pa’no kung ngiti na lang ang maisasagot mo sa iyak ng ’yong sikmura?
Pa’no kung nagkakasakit ka na sa kahihithit ng “pag-asa”?
At pa’no kung ang iyong madrasta ay puta ng iba, pati ng iyong tito-tituhan?

Pa’no na?

Pa’no kung ikaw si Oble at dinig mo ang hiyaw ng pagpapatiwakal?
Lalagapak na si John, anong balak mong gawin?
Isang rebulto ka na lang ba na simbulo "lang" o bababa ka sa iyong pedestal at pangangatawanan ang iyong ipinopustura kung kailan ito kailangan?

Ano na?

ynseng achieves new balance

i got new rubber shoes! my New Balance 708 was bought on sale – 50% off!!! hubby wanted to buy himself a pair and then decided to also buy me one as a birthday gift! it’s actually a women's running, all-terrain shoes but it looked good enough for both of us to use indoors – for volleyball and table tennis.

(i would’ve loved to buy new mizuno volleyball/indoor court shoes but they were much more expensive and not all that pretty. in fact i don't think i ever found a pair of mizuno rubber shoes that i liked more for aesthetics than function.)

this is what the New Balance website has to say about the M/W708:

A supportive trail shoe, the M/W708 will debut in the All-Terrain segment of the trail running category for August 2006. The 708 features Abzorb® cushioning in the heel and forefoot for exceptional shock absorption and medial and lateral posts for stability. Motion Core, an outsole feature that improves traction on rough terrain combines with the AT Tread® Outsole design to make the 708 appropriate for on- and off-road use. An N-Durance® Outsole ensures maximum durability and 3M® Reflective details provide an additional safety feature. MSRP = $75.00

my NB W708 will debut on sunday for UPVC’s vnight. and here's to hoping that i'll get back to improving my pingpong skills soon!

Singular Thoughts III

American Idol is back! Syempre Rockstar (INXS & Supernova) fanatic pa din ako ever pero AI6 should be good enough for now, lalu na kung wala ng 3rd installment sa Rockstar saga. I will definitely not get into recaps like I did with RS:SN Siguro pakonti-konting commentaries lang. Most likely, my links will be pointing to rickey.org, so far the best site for AI fanatics.

******************************
I took a short YM (Yahoo! Messenger) survey recently and I realized how dependent this brain of mine has become to the global knowledge that the internet provides. One question asked how often I used search engines. I ticked the bottom option, "several times a day."

Ang masasabi ko lang… There’s really no excuse anymore for people who don’t do their research. So to everyone pretending to know so much about something when they actually don’t, I have 6 letters for you: GOOGLE.

******************************
And speaking of Google, I recently read about Google winning top place in Fortune Magazine’s survey of Top 100 Companies to Work for in America 2007. Employees not only get the prestige and the free lunch. They also play as hard as they work.

Read the CNN article here.

Read the Top 10 Reasons to Work at Google here.

Watch the Today Exclusive (NBC): Inside Look at Google:

******************************
Enough about Google. Here’s a recommended site if you wanna know the exact time here in the Philippines: PAG-ASA Philippine Standard Time

Cheers!

busy si ynseng

Hindi naman sa nakalimutan ko na ang blog ko… I have the best excuse in the world for not posting sooner --- I have in fact been awfully busy.

I’m [happily] juggling a little too many tasks right now. My fulltime job has been keeping my work hours busy. Fortunately, I now have assignments that I look forward to doing because they provide opportunities for me to truly challenge myself. Medyo nakakangarag lang kasi I have a whole year of IT training courses to design and finish ASAP, and a Trainers’ Training on Tourguiding manual to finish by the end of April. At syempre andyan pa rin ang backlog at intervening assignments.

I also have an interesting part-time knowledge-based telework job. This home-based editing job is challenging enough to keep me on my toes and discover taken-for-granted skills that I want (and need) to master. The work is also pretty innovative --- I actually find myself doing a little research about it. And despite the additional load, getting the job done actually feels kinda liberating!

I’m also in the second semester of my master’s course in Industrial Relations. I have so far enjoyed going back to school, despite the heavy study load. That is, 6 units worth of stress that includes an endless list of reading materials, hunger strikes for the sake of library time, megabites of html, pdf and doc files and other research materials saved in my USB, and never-enough time to read everything... all these for the sake of higher education and deeper social consciousness. I’m learning lessons that I could confidently say will benefit me for life as I learn realities I wouldn’t have understood had I preferred an apathetic life.

*************************

I remember the time when I first set up this a blog. It was about mid last year and I was shamelessly bored and unproductive that I had to find a way to extract some creative juices to fill the hours. (Not that there was nothing at all to do at work. I just didn’t feel compelled nor motivated to do them.)

Hence, my work hours were spent learning the art of web writing, or more specifically, learning to use HTML codes to improve the look of my blog. I’m no artist but this blog keeps me creatively challenged, what with all the innovative technologies booming every second. Nung una, pagsusulat lang ang inaatupag ko. Nakaka-conscious pa kasi hindi naman talaga ako sanay mag-journal. Then I learned how to upload photos and put links in my posts. Then came the scrolling lyrics and the tagboard. Kasama na jan ang pag-personalize ng sidebar ko. And of course, who wouldn’t upload yuotube videos? Nakakaadik!

I’m not sure about this widgets thing though that’s supposed to be the key to the new Blogger Beta. Haven’t used that yet because I’m afraid it might mess up the HTML codes I tried so hard to create. Feeling ancient tuloy ako for getting stuck with html codes instead of [supposedly] conveniently using widgets. And what’s with the BETA thing anyway? Yahoo has them, even webshots and photobucket? Hay. Pag ako lang nagkaron ng panahon, humanda yang ka-beta-han at ka-widget-an na yan...

I should be blogging more often... that should at least keep me sane.

our wedding storybook, finally

it's our 2nd wedding anniversary, and finally i was able to finish editing the storybook version of our wedding photos.

click here to view the photos at Webshots.Com (recommended).
previews below.


PRE-WEDDING PHOTOS





ON-THE-DAY PREPARATIONS






CHURCH CEREMONY





WEDDING RECEPTION

ligwakan at laglagan na -- part III

uulitin ko lang ng post... di ko matiis eh...

Ten Signs of an Incompetent Leader

1. Delegates work rather than balancing work loads. This allows all attention to be diverted from them in case of failure. (ipasa na lang ang trabaho para wala na syang gagawin at hindi sya ang masisisi)

2. Reduces answers to Yes or No rather than explaining their reasoning. (bahala ka na umintindi at dumiskarte sa trabaho mo)

3. Cannot separate personal life from professional life. Their personal problems come to work with them. (motherhood at its best... no further comment)

4. Is a crisis manager not a planner. (damage control na lang pag nagkaproblema or nasita na)

5. Humiliates subordinates within a group. (ilalaglag ka pag naipit na sya)

6. Creates an environment where mistakes are unacceptable. (on the contrary, mediocrity seems to be the norm)

7. Will not stand behind subordinates when they fail. (will instead solicit support from other mediocres)

8. Encourages hard workers, not smart workers. (ang labo ng work standards)

9. Judges people on hours not performance. (kiss ass- rather than output-oriented)

10.Will act differently in front of their leaders. (so help me god)

rose bleed

sometimes, you realize too late that some friends are not friends at all.

you're glad to have someone to share your thoughts with. you confide your doubts and fears and lean in the comfort of their understanding.

you at least expect them to defend you when challenged to switch loyalties.

no excuses for cowards, though. apparently, she wasn't really a friend.

ligwakan at laglagan na -- part II

sweet veangeance,
the ynseng way
ligwakan at laglagan na part II




From "How to Work for an Idiot Boss"

The Machiavellian Boss

Diagnosis: Smart, shrewd and ruthless. MB's believe the chair at the top of corporate ladder is theirs by divine right. An MB will rip out your heart, slap it in your hand and say, "Nothing personal."

Care and Feeding: Approach with utmost caution. Consider a transfer.


********************
Exerpt from "21 Types of Bosses" by Melanie Joy Douglas

The Screamer Boss
The screamer boss seems to think that he will get his way if he raises his voice to an unconscionable level: the higher the volume, the higher the commitment. How does a screamer end up a boss? Some clueless hiring managers equate screaming with managerial skill. All in all, screamers just want to know that they’re being heard, and they want recognition. If you can get along with your screamer boss, and gain his respect and trust, perhaps you can help guide him to lower tones.

The Manipulator Boss
Also known as the Machiavellian boss, this type is extremely intelligent and one of the most dangerous. The manipulator boss is highly focused, very motivated, and always has a secret plan. He looks at people as a means to an end. The world is a giant pyramid and the apex is his. People he touches or runs over on the way to the top are casualties he writes off. If you work for a manipulator, watch your back. Your best bet is to be open and honest with him. Volunteer information. Your boss, who has long forgotten what truth is, will be left impressed by it.

The Idiot Boss
The idiot boss is characterized by cluelessness and stupidity. It’s as if he just walked into the office yesterday and started running it. Your choices here can be limited. Doing nothing will leave you embittered, but what can you do when you can’t change an idiot? Well, you can change your reaction. The world is full of idiots in charge, but don’t let it get you down. Do your personal best, and realize that in some way, your boss serves a purpose. Figure out what it is.


********************

Ten Signs of an Incompetent Leader
1. Delegates work rather than balancing work loads. This allows all attention to be diverted from them in case of failure.
2. Reduces answers to Yes or No rather than explaining their reasoning.
3. Cannot separate personal life from professional life. Their personal problems come to work with them.
4. Is a crisis manager not a planner.
5. Humiliates subordinates within a group.
6. Creates an environment where mistakes are unacceptable.
7. Will not stand behind subordinates when they fail.
8. Encourages hard workers, not smart workers.
9. Judges people on hours not performance.
10.Will act differently in front of their leaders.

608MB of rockstar music

yup, i've downloaded all songs available at supernovafans.com (for members only).

inggit ka? don't be coz i'm giving away limited copies to interested friends. limited copies lang kasi konti na lang cdr ko dito. but i do have the burner in case someone really wants a copy.

by the way, these songs are also available at rockstar.msn.com at $0.99 each song.

ligwakan at laglagan na

Provided By MetroLyrics

di na dapat pinapalampas mga ganitong sitwasyon, di na dapat dinededma ang ganitong kawalang kwentahan. hindi na uso ang ganitong sistema.

pero di ko na papatulan. kung mga wala silang respeto sa sarili nila, irerespeto ko na lang sarili ko. may araw din sila...

late, as always

it's 6:21 pm on a friday night and i'm still at work. di ko pa natatapos ang ecotourism training course design. and more importantly, wala pa din akong nagagawang rockstar supernova week 7 recap... haay... sana bukas magawa ko na yun pareho, tutal wala akong klase, quezon city day.

but no, may make-up class pala kami sa IR299. akalain mo yan. ibig sabihin kailangan ko nang magbasa-basa para makabuo ng maayos na paper proposal for submission tomorrow. haay.

i've decided to change my topic from tna (training needs assessment) of ICT (info communications technology) capability ng denr staff to public sector unionism in denr (or something). haay... so unbecoming of me...

hay nakoh... puro na lang buntong hininga. tama na nga yan.

intrams na!

it would've been a perfectly pleasurable wednesday, except that i had to miss one favorite activity over another. . .

alam naman ng cmc-cal teammates ko kung gano kahalaga sa buhay ko ang rockstar:supernova... pero inasahan nilang mas kakaririn ko ang intrams.

perfect na sana: rockstar sa umaga, tapos intrams, tapos kung may oras pa, library time sa solair. e di sulit ang absenteism! pero kilala pa din ako kahit ng mga nakababatang vc mems. alam nila na dadating ako ng 10AM for the love of the game.

mabuti na lang nanalo kami. aba, alangan namang matalo pa kami sa law?! di na nga sila kagalingan, naglaro pa ng di gaano nakakaintindi ng volleyball rules. how ironic. law students joining the game without knowing the rules. ang bad trip pa, yung incompetent referee namin, palaging kinokonsulta nung captain nila. it's like the blind leading the blind. mabuti na lang mataray enough na si roge para sa team namin. i could be the calm and collected ate. (wink! wink!)

but no, natalo kami ng first set. would you believe?! i would. pano kasi mga diesel kami. wala sa kundisyon nagsimula at medyo nag-attempt pa karirin ang law. yun pala buko-bukong laro lang ang kailangan. haay. dapat talaga super warm-up before magsimula. por dat, dapat 1 hr ahead kami magwa-warm-up before the game.

the question is... would i be willing to spare that warm-up time if it meant giving up the chance to watch the supernova auditions live? (well, not really live kasi recorded version na yun.) hmmm... decisions, decisions... i'll cross the bridge when i get there.